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Why
do such Affairs take place?
Most men and women who have affairs do not want their partner to know
that they are unfaithful which they take care to cover and often, if challenged
will deny the truth. But affairs are on the increase and for every affair
discovered there are many more that continue in secret.Is ignorance less
disturbing than discovering the truth?.
Q. Is it better to confess, or remain
silent?
Q.
Why do so many people risk so much for the excitement of illicit sex?
Q. What makes marriages vulnerable
to affairs and why having been caught out once, do some men
and women betray their partner again and again?
Q. When adultery is discovered, how
does it affect the marriage?
Q. What impact does it have on the
children?
The most important reason for adultery is that both men and women have
different priorities even after their marriage.
Most of the men's priorities
are:-
(a) Delighting in the novelty of new
sexual experiences.
(b)
Believing in their macho image.
(c)
The inability to resist temptation.
(d)
Thinking that if they are not caught, no harm is done.
(e)
Falling in love.
Women's priorities are
almost exactly in reverse order.They
have affairs because :-
(a)
They fall in love � all is not well within the marriage.
(b)
They are looking for the intimacy of a close relationship.
(c)
They want romance back in their lives.
(d)
They want exciting sex.
Affairs are very exciting but they can also bring in an enormous amount
of hurt and devastation. It is also important to remember that,even though
it may be very painful, marriages can and do survive affairs.
Marriage in the twentieth-century
It was based on love, equality, sexual attraction and friendship, rather
than security,status and the opportunity to leave home and start your
own family. Women were expecting more from marriage,and if their expectations
were raised, it would also mean that if they were not met, she would more
likely look outside marriage for sexual or emotional fulfilment. Attitudes
towards sex were also changing, particularly about sex before marriage
In olden times many women who married were virgins, the majority of people
still disapprove of sex before marriage.Only a few men and women had sex
with someone other than their spouse when they married. If you sow your
wild oats before marriage you are more likely to be faithful after marriage.
In fact, the reverse is true: the more promiscuous you are prior to embarking
on marriage or a committed relationship, the more likely you are to stray
afterwards.In the '60s there was the real start of the sexual revolution.
Sex before marriage started to become the norm and, by 1970, most couples
had sex before marriage and did so with more than just one partner. If
you had a serious relationship, it also included a sexual relationship.Sexual
intercourse also began. With the combination of the growing influence
of the women's movement, like the introduction of the pill, and freedom
from any fear of Aids, meant that for many,sexual liberation had arrived.
This sexual freedom increased over the next thirty years. It is now quite
common for both sexes to have had a variety of sexual partners before
marriage. But at the same time there are greater expectations from marriage.
The modern idea of marriage supplies all, or nearly all, of each other's
needs.
Why
do people expect faithfulness from each other after their marriage ?
Love, friendship, and sexual compatibility are the themes
of modern marriage. With such expectations there is also an increased
emphasis on sexual exclusivity. Although in today's relationship people
expect faithfulness from each other after their marriage,But adultery
has actually increased among men, and especially among women. The majority
of people are unfaithful more than once during the life of their marriage.
It seems that the higher the expectations of marriage, the more is the
discovery of an affair.In the more old-fashioned marriages, where couples
were not looking to each other to fulfil their needs, emotional and sexual
needs, it was easier to give a blind eye to their unfaithfulness.
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